The Crotch Grab

Let me set up the situation for you:
I’m taking a walk to the mall. I’ve got some nice trousers on, with one catch: the front pockets are a bit inward, causing the contents of my pockets to stay close to old Johnny.

When I walk alone, I usually have some tunes playing, so I have my phone jacked up and in my front pocket. I sometimes change the volume to accomodate the current track. This means I grab the phone through the trousers, find the volume button and play with it.

I did this a couple of times today and I attracted two grossed out looks and one perverted smile, from women, obviously. I imagine they were thinking I was grabbing or scratching old Johnny.

So what if I were grabbing my crotch? Aren’t you women used to seeing guys grab their cocks? Scratch them? Through their pants, at least?

Either I caught three visual virgings or women are still envious on us because we CAN scratch our cocks in public wihour it taking too much effort, while they can’t reach for their groin without it attracting a ton of gazing assholes.

Still, the one that smiled was pretty cute.

Posted on the 19th of September, 2009 | 19 Arrogant Comments

Tagged: No More Internet?

This question has been on many people’s lips recently. What would happen if the Internet would suddenly cease to exist?

The first and obvious answer would be: you would not be reading this. For the rest of this post, let’s pretend we’re penpals and you got this in the mail. Since this is about my take on this modern day apocalypse, I’ll go on by saying I’ll also be out of a job. Also, the browser wars.. would be over!!

With the extra amount of time, I’d get back in shape, guitar-wise. Less or no time spent in front of the computer means having all the time in the world to me. I’d also get to having those wet dreams I was talking about earlier this year. I might even get laid! Oh, and I’d start calling snail mail, mail and mail, email again.

I would probably earn my living working as a farmer, which would become the equivalent of today’s coder. Can you picture me with overalls and a checkered shirt on? Straw hat and all? Sexy, I know. I could even look into the possibility of becoming a professional smoker, but I still think the world is not ready for that one yet. I’d start reading in public again, since everyone would be doing it, I suppose.

I’d also remember what it’s like being alone again — and I mean that in a good way — seeing how I can’t keep in touch with people without using the Internet. I’d also start noticing small offline details again. Like people talking to me or girls smiling at me. Or that I have fourteen cats living in my house. I’d definitely play with my dogs more often. I’d spent way more time in the garden, eating fruit right out the tree.

Best part yet? I’d get to finally fix my unhealthy sleeping habits.

Now, this is a tag. Anda was curious to see what a geek would do if the Internet went 404. The fun part about this tag was that I actually got to thinking how much time I actually do spend either online or on my lappy. My findings call for immediate action. So maybe this tag will do Ovi, John Resig and Jon Hicks some good as well.

Posted on the 10th of September, 2009 | 2 Brilliant Comments

I Challenge That Quote

Funny how this particular Quote Of The Day really ticked me off. This is what is saw in my Gmail web clip:

Anne Frank said “Whoever is happy will make others happy too.”

I guess that might work, but only to a certain extent. A mildly happy person might be able to mildly lift someone else’s spirit. A very happy person is simply obnoxious, and their happiness saps all that was left of your own happiness.

I think Anne Frank was trying to say “Whoever is gay, will try to make others gay too.”

I think there are a lot of famous quotes and sayings that are just damn wrong. Or, at least, took on a wrong meaning over time. Don’t you?

Posted on the 9th of September, 2009 | 12 Mouth-watering Comments

My Wife Beat Me Up

Not me, sillies. I’m not married.

As I was walking to work today, I met a guy that used to be my agent. I had met him on the street on Friday as well, so we’re getting back in touch.

Anyway, this morning, he had a mother of a black eye and a huge bruise on his right arm. After a quick chat, I asked him about the obvious elephant in the living room: “How did you get that black eye?”

His response was not so prompt, but he eventually confessed: My wife beat me up. He then went on to tell me it was the second time that had happened. He also told me she used an apple, among other items, to hit him with.

I’m now thinking of a specific ex-sweetheart, who had developed the habit of busting my lip, and of another that really enjoyed hitting and pinching my balls, or of another that used to give me hickies, or of another that… well, you get the idea.

Since we humans are creatures of habit, and I tend to find ‘aggressive’ chicks, should I be worried about my future?

Posted on the 7th of September, 2009 | 8 Coarse Comments

Your Privacy is Null

I just loved it when everyone freaked out that Facebook will be sharing information with third parties. For a while, the panic about your online privacy had something to do with Facebook. Now things are changing.

People are getting all wired up because Google is starting to play nice with the authorities, revealing identities and IP`s. It happened to some poor gunrunner schmuck from Belgium, some blog writer from New York, and now to some journalists that published some crap on Wikileaks.

This is funny. People try to hold on to their privacy so tightly on the internet. I think they’re missing the point.
Google and Facebook already know everything about you! Why? Because you told them. Every context-aware ad, link you click, every message you send to a buddy, your spelling habits, your math skills, whether you had sex last night, your full name, your ailments, what you ate this morning. These guys store it all.

Point A: so what? What does that say about you? Who cares about all that info? It’s all worthless. Nobody gives a damn.

Point B: if the authorities are after you, you probably did some shit. If it’s bad shit, fuck you! You deserve it. If it’s some vigilante or hardcore journalism stuff, that’s appreciated. The problem is you knew what kind of shit-storm you were getting yourself into.

I have my full address and my mobile phone listed on Facebook and Google. Not one person has bothered me.

Posted on the 6th of September, 2009 | 6 Remarcable Comments

Get Gravatar

So what is this gravatar thingie?

Gravatar is a Globally Recognized Avatar.
From the gravatar site:

Your Gravatar is an image that follows you from site to site appearing beside your name when you do things like comment or post on a blog. Avatars help identify your posts on blogs and web forums, so why not on any site?

I would really appreciate it if you decided to sign up for gravatar! You can even associate one image to as many email addresses as you please. The only thing is: you need to own those email addresses. It will really make a huge difference.

Please, get gravatar. Now.

Posted on the 3rd of September, 2009 | 2 Smart Comments