Posts tagged with cattle

It’s All About You, Baby!

Everything worthwhile will have its dilettantes!

Discos are a great example. Most people go to the disco to shake their ass. A lot of people go to the disco to find dates. That’s all fine and dandy, as long as you find your date while dancing. Or after you’ve danced for a while and you’re catching your breath.

Whatever you do, the first reason for your being in a disco should be dancing. That’s it. If you’re hoping to pick up someone, that’s fine too. Just don’t let that be the ONLY reason you’re there.

I say this because, if that is indeed the case, you probably don’t like dancing all that much. You’ll probably end up just standing there, creepishly checking out all the other people who are having fun. It’s just like going to the library to pick up a person. It only works well if you actually like reading. Otherwise you’re a fraud. People will see through that, eventually. And even if they don’t, what kind of relationship are you really starting? A one night stand? A one-weeker? Probably shallow, meaningless relationship?

Are you that desperate?
The best way to pick up people is by doing the things YOU like! If you don’t like to dance, don’t go to discos. If, however, you like football, go to the game. You’re bound to make a hell of a lot more new friends that way. If you like beer, you’ll probably feel right at home in a pub. And that’s where you’ll probably find your next date. And if you do, you’re probably great for each other, since you met each other doing something you both enjoy.

Don’t be the fucker in the disco that just sits by the dance floor, drooling over the tits and sweaty necks. Don’t be the fucker who goes to the opera just to be seen coming out of the opera house. Don’t be the fucker who grows long hair just because you think you’ll be a smash with the ladies. Don’t get your boobs done if you’re actually a bookworm.

Don’t try to be someone else to get a date. You’ll be left with nothing. Enjoy yourself, and those who matter will love you for it.

Posted on the 19th of October, 2009 | 17 Exquisite Comments

Congratulations, Herta Mueller!

Thank you, Herta Mueller, for being Romanian-born and for winning the Nobel prize for — what was it? — literature!

We, the Romanians, had no idea who you were a couple of days ago, but today you are our Nation’s pride!
We still don’t know anything about you or your work, but boy, are we ever proud! Just check twitter, facebook and the local news to see how much we love you.

PS: Could you come visit soon? Since you probably haven’t done so ever since the commie regime forced you to leave Romania.

By the way, behold Herta Mueller.

Posted on the 8th of October, 2009 | 2 Coarse Comments

Funny Thing Debt Is

Let’s say someone very important owes you a big sum of money. Now imagine you have to make a loan from someone else, who’s also very important.
You do so knowing you will receive your debt from the very important person that owes you money. That debt is more than enough to pay for what you loan out, and everything is legal.

What happens if the one that owes you money does not deliver by the due date? You’re not short on cash, per se. You just owe someone more than you currently have. Would it be ethical to sic the person you owe money to on the person that owes you money? Keep in mind, they’re both important, while you’re nobody, on their scale.

I’d love to live in a universe where that would work. Sadly, even though you’re not really to blame, you get to take the fall. And that does not make perfect sense, now does it?

Now, imagine the state owes you a ton of money, you’re a pharmacy, and you yourself owe money to the distributors. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to tell said distributors that the damn state is trying to take you off the market? The state and the distributors could easily arrive to a long-term agreement or some sort of installment based payoff. But no. The state cannot be declared insolvent, while you can. And that is exactly what will happen to you.

Now, imagine the state of Romania owes most of the pharmacies from Timişoara a ton of money… you can figure out the rest, yeah?

Well, that’s actually happening.

Posted on the 5th of October, 2009 | 2 Brilliant Comments

What’s Your Damage?

Cuba Libre, one of my favorite drinks, is essentially rum mixed with coke, some ice, and a few slices of lemon or lime. Easy to make, yeah?

Last night, I asked for a Cuba Libre made with sugarfree coke and I got a Cuba Libre with sugarfree coke, ice, sugar on the bottom of the glass and a sugar frosted lemon wedge?

Seriously, what’s your damage?

And this happened in The Irish Pub, one of my favorite get-together spots.

Posted on the 21st of September, 2009 | 8 Arrogant Comments

The Crotch Grab

Let me set up the situation for you:
I’m taking a walk to the mall. I’ve got some nice trousers on, with one catch: the front pockets are a bit inward, causing the contents of my pockets to stay close to old Johnny.

When I walk alone, I usually have some tunes playing, so I have my phone jacked up and in my front pocket. I sometimes change the volume to accomodate the current track. This means I grab the phone through the trousers, find the volume button and play with it.

I did this a couple of times today and I attracted two grossed out looks and one perverted smile, from women, obviously. I imagine they were thinking I was grabbing or scratching old Johnny.

So what if I were grabbing my crotch? Aren’t you women used to seeing guys grab their cocks? Scratch them? Through their pants, at least?

Either I caught three visual virgings or women are still envious on us because we CAN scratch our cocks in public wihour it taking too much effort, while they can’t reach for their groin without it attracting a ton of gazing assholes.

Still, the one that smiled was pretty cute.

Posted on the 19th of September, 2009 | 19 Intelligent Comments

I Challenge That Quote

Funny how this particular Quote Of The Day really ticked me off. This is what is saw in my Gmail web clip:

Anne Frank said “Whoever is happy will make others happy too.”

I guess that might work, but only to a certain extent. A mildly happy person might be able to mildly lift someone else’s spirit. A very happy person is simply obnoxious, and their happiness saps all that was left of your own happiness.

I think Anne Frank was trying to say “Whoever is gay, will try to make others gay too.”

I think there are a lot of famous quotes and sayings that are just damn wrong. Or, at least, took on a wrong meaning over time. Don’t you?

Posted on the 9th of September, 2009 | 12 Smart Comments

Your Privacy is Null

I just loved it when everyone freaked out that Facebook will be sharing information with third parties. For a while, the panic about your online privacy had something to do with Facebook. Now things are changing.

People are getting all wired up because Google is starting to play nice with the authorities, revealing identities and IP`s. It happened to some poor gunrunner schmuck from Belgium, some blog writer from New York, and now to some journalists that published some crap on Wikileaks.

This is funny. People try to hold on to their privacy so tightly on the internet. I think they’re missing the point.
Google and Facebook already know everything about you! Why? Because you told them. Every context-aware ad, link you click, every message you send to a buddy, your spelling habits, your math skills, whether you had sex last night, your full name, your ailments, what you ate this morning. These guys store it all.

Point A: so what? What does that say about you? Who cares about all that info? It’s all worthless. Nobody gives a damn.

Point B: if the authorities are after you, you probably did some shit. If it’s bad shit, fuck you! You deserve it. If it’s some vigilante or hardcore journalism stuff, that’s appreciated. The problem is you knew what kind of shit-storm you were getting yourself into.

I have my full address and my mobile phone listed on Facebook and Google. Not one person has bothered me.

Posted on the 6th of September, 2009 | 6 Sexy Comments

Women and Walking

They don’t mix very well.

I just got back from a dash to the Bank — damn formalities.
On this trip alone, I was amazed at how absent-minded women are while walking. It’s like they can’t multi-task, or like walking is such a mental effort that they can’t focus on anything else.

But that’s not the point.

The point is getting out of our way!
I walk fast. Especially when I’m alone and I don’t have to mind another person keeping up with me. It’s saddening to see three hags taking up all of the sidewalk. The saddest part is they can see me. They can also hear me, considering the jingling janitor key-chain and wallet chain I have attached to my arse. Yet, with all this, they just stagger ever closer to me, talking about whatever the hell they have to talk about. None of them will move out of the way, or at least turn half sideways.

Another incident involved two girls, coming out of a store, checking out their newly-bought hair dye. I was walking towards them and another dude was coming from behind. They saw me, they saw that they were blocking the sidewalk, they did not move. I felt a deep connection with the other guy, because we both engaged in ‘evasive maneuvers’ turning sideways, crab-walking, helper-step off the curve, the works.

Apparently, I always notice women when they to this. Men too, but those cases are far less frequent. I wonder if it’s because of their collective genetic pack, which might tell them to never step aside, or to always walk as if on a catwalk. Maybe you can shed some light on that.

Disclaimer: I’ve met women that walk great and I am considered to be male.

Posted on the 25th of August, 2009 | 6 Extraordinary Comments