Posts tagged with idiocracy

Your Privacy Is Still Null

Google Web History

You don’t want people seeing what you’ve searched for? But you searched for that! Are you ashamed now? Why?!

Government Email Snooping

While I don’t condone it, how can it hurt you? If you’re a gunrunner and you’re about to get convicted based on evidence found in your mailbox, I salute that! Other than that, nobody cares what colour your panties are! The police can search your house with a warrant; why not your mailbox?

Facebook Stalkers

You are aware that you can block people, right? Better still, think about why you joined Facebook!

Google Analytics Tracking

If most of the visitors from your site are from jail, or the States, or Japan, wouldn’t you like to know? If most of them are running Linux or Mac, wouldn’t you like to know? Also, you like it when a site caters better to your needs, right? You like it when they give you more of the stuff you liked before. How do you think they know all that?

Why are you so afraid of the amount of information about you that’s available on the net?
That information should not come close to defining you as the wonderful, complex person that you are! That information is just peanuts compared to all the feelings you can instill in another person!

And if that is not the case. If the amount of information available on the net accounts for most of you. If there’s little left to find out about you in the real world. Well, in that case, I’d say your online privacy is the least of your worries!

Posted on the 25th of February, 2010 | 7 Sexy Comments

Tech Support

I got a nice phone call the other day:

Hi, Horia! I have a problem.

Hello! Let’s see.

I have this Trojan notification from my antivirus…

What options does it give you?

“Copy(!) to Quarantine”, “Terminate” and *gibberish I could not make out*

Okay; click the Quarantine one.

OK. I clicked the red X and it’s now asking me if I’m sure. It also says that if I take no action, my computer could be at risk.

Right, click No, then Quarantine, then Terminate.

I clicked Quarantine and it’s not doing anything.

Click Terminate.

Nothing. Wait. It went away then came back again.

*I imagine they’re refering to the notice*
Please disconnect from the internet.

Okay, hang on. *I hear a lot of commotion* I closed Opera. And all the files. Now what?

Did you disable your wireless connection?

Why?

Please disable your wireless connection.

OK, let me start up Opera first.

Wait, no…

OK. Now, to disable the wireless, I need to plug out the black box from down there, right?

Erm, I guess that would work too. Go ahead.

Ah, I found the switch on my laptop. I disabled the wireless, but now I still get the notice.

Quarantine, then Terminate.

Ok, it came back.

Close Opera, please.

Ok. Wait, I can’t.

*I figure a download prompt is keeping them from closing the browser*
Press Ctrl + Shift + Escape for me, please.

So, C-T-R-L *sounds of them straining* Shift and.. what?

Escape. To the top left.

Ok. I get this funny window with…

I know. Click on the tab labeled “Processes” … Now find Opera.

Opera.exe!

Right. Now, right click on that.

Click or double click?

No, the right mouse button.

OK, I get a menu that..

I know. Click on End Process Tree

Right click?

No, regular click. Left mouse button.

OK. Hey, Opera disappeared.

Yes. Now start Opera again
*I figured a mallicious script on a website they were on was to blame. Opera can be set to restart with all the tabs from the previous session opened without prompt. To get rid of the tab, I had to throw Opera into error recovery mode so that they could select to start fresh, with no tabs. Otherwise the tabs would be loaded from the cache*

OK…

Now, a window should appear with…

*To herself* Tabs from previous session, OK…

No!

Oh, I get the notice again!

Yes, in the task manager, close Opera the same way as before.

Oh, I closed that window. How do I get it back? C-T-R-L…

Ctrl+Shift+Esc, Processes, find Opera…

Yes, yes. OK, closed Opera.

Start Opera again. This time, when the startup screen appears, wait for me. Okay?

OK. So, Tabs from previous session

Okay, anything but that option. Try “Start with Speed Dial”.

OK… It started. Hey, where are all my tabs?!

They needed to be closed. Do you remember the link in last tab you were on? Stay away from it!

I don’t remember.

Gah, well. What version of Opera are you using?

I don’t know.

Click Help, then About Opera.

Oh, OK. Opera nine point…

Upgrade! Go to Opera.com and download a new version, please. Opera 10.10.

OK. I’m on the site… Download..

Wait, didn’t you disable your wireless?

No, why?

Nevermind. Please scan your system to make sure the infection did not spread.

OK. But later. It makes my laptop run slow. Erm, Horia, thank you.

Don’t mention…

You don’t mind me calling you when I run into trouble like this, right?

No, I don’t. Because now you know how to fix this kind of issue. So when something like this happens again, you’ll know what to do and you won’t have to call me.

Erm…

Right, goodbye!

Posted on the 11th of January, 2010 | 11 Exquisite Comments

Because Small Talk Will Only Get You So Far

Do you really listen when someone’s talking to you?

When you’re having a conversation with one person, or more, you should be trying to analyze each single bit of information that comes out of their mouth. Piecing them together to form a tale or a great idea.

What really happens is: you stop at the first keyword you hear. You then remember a story you can tell that’s somehow connected to the idea. Are you familiar with this feeling?
“Boy, just wait until I tell them this. They will so think I’m awesome when I’m done! They have to, because I do…”
You know, you’re thinking that story is so damn awesome that people will be awestruck.

The problem is, by the time you’ve thought all that, and ran the story through your head, the other person has exhausted their idea. And you missed out on all that! They took the blank stare in your eyes as a sign of you being uninterested with the particular subject. And they moved on, changing the topic, most likely.

Then you smuggle your little story into the conversation. It’s only slightly pertinent, but you make a big point as to how all-relevant it actually is. That same thought is still pounding in your head. “When I finish this story, boy, will they ever think I’m cool!”

That’s one of the things I hate about conversations today. With some people, it’s not an actual conversation, they’re just waiting for their turn to speak!

If you’re looking for great conversation, you shouldn’t need to look further than the people you already know. Just listen to them. Well, most of them.

Posted on the 8th of January, 2010 | 18 Mouth-watering Comments

Hey, Stupid!

I am allergic to stupid people. Myself included.

While in a conversation on the matter, I realized that my way of making this obvious is not the best one.
What I do is to politely let the stupid people know they are being stupid.

While it yields results quickly, it counts for nothing in the long run. The stupid only pretend to understand, and they forget their mistake the second I exit the scene. Because I’m only being funny, and that gets the message across, but it does not always make it stick.

I will hereafter try to leave a deeper mark, make a snarkier comment when someone proves their inability to think.
I think dumb-ass and dumb-tits should do for starters. For the Romanian version, see the inspirational post by Mircea Popescu. You can read this post from ily’s blog to see how stupid people can affect us if left unattended.

Oh, right. You get bonus points if you’re also pig-headed!

Posted on the 10th of December, 2009 | 3 Intelligent Comments

Take to the streets

Fuck with the stupid or hard-nosed and that’s what you get. People in the streets.

And on the day that was deemed our National Day because of the blood of those who took to the streets twenty years ago. People that faced the tanks and firing squads.

People that climbed to that faithful Opera house balcony and chanted with glee: “we are free!”

Angst, fear, uncertitude and stupidly strong convictions filled that square today. For a much lesser cause. For a dirty purpose, any way you look at it.

Some dirtied the memory of our heroes, some betrayed our trust, some proved once more that they are toads.

Right now, I’m enjoying my freedom, having a nice dark beer in the Irish pub.
Happy Birthday, Romania! To the rest of you assholes, Fuck You!

Posted on the 1st of December, 2009 | 19 Smart Comments

Congratulations, Herta Mueller!

Thank you, Herta Mueller, for being Romanian-born and for winning the Nobel prize for — what was it? — literature!

We, the Romanians, had no idea who you were a couple of days ago, but today you are our Nation’s pride!
We still don’t know anything about you or your work, but boy, are we ever proud! Just check twitter, facebook and the local news to see how much we love you.

PS: Could you come visit soon? Since you probably haven’t done so ever since the commie regime forced you to leave Romania.

By the way, behold Herta Mueller.

Posted on the 8th of October, 2009 | 2 Coarse Comments

Funny Thing Debt Is

Let’s say someone very important owes you a big sum of money. Now imagine you have to make a loan from someone else, who’s also very important.
You do so knowing you will receive your debt from the very important person that owes you money. That debt is more than enough to pay for what you loan out, and everything is legal.

What happens if the one that owes you money does not deliver by the due date? You’re not short on cash, per se. You just owe someone more than you currently have. Would it be ethical to sic the person you owe money to on the person that owes you money? Keep in mind, they’re both important, while you’re nobody, on their scale.

I’d love to live in a universe where that would work. Sadly, even though you’re not really to blame, you get to take the fall. And that does not make perfect sense, now does it?

Now, imagine the state owes you a ton of money, you’re a pharmacy, and you yourself owe money to the distributors. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to tell said distributors that the damn state is trying to take you off the market? The state and the distributors could easily arrive to a long-term agreement or some sort of installment based payoff. But no. The state cannot be declared insolvent, while you can. And that is exactly what will happen to you.

Now, imagine the state of Romania owes most of the pharmacies from Timişoara a ton of money… you can figure out the rest, yeah?

Well, that’s actually happening.

Posted on the 5th of October, 2009 | 2 Remarcable Comments

The Beauty of Typing More

Well, that’s all gone to shit.

After reading Atwood’s tweet: “even Hungarians are not using hungarian notation any more.”[sic] — I got to thinking.
People have stopped writing properly.

I know what Hungarian Notation is, sillies. And I know it’s has nothing to do with grammar or spelling things right. But then, few things today have to do with proper spelling. And I’m not talking about English, either. I’m talking about mother tongues. The beautiful ones, with funny letters and groovy sounds.

Languages will tildes,breves, carons, cedillas, circles and other diacritics. Those are the ones I’m talking about. They’re not dying. Their writing is.
The process itself is called Romanization. It basically means that you can only use the letters found on standard qwerty keyboards plus a few French-ish letters.

The Romanians have long adopted this trend. Now, most of our online writing would sound funny if read out loud and with no interpretation. The Hungarians too have fallen to this group. It’s understandable, since their letters are damn funny and tough to type. The Dutch, too. Their cosmopolitanism is what caused that stroked out o to vanish from the online. And the French? Well, they’ve been eager to leave all those damn accents behind since the day they were forced to start using them.

The Ruskies, zhe Germans, the Norse and the Asians have yet to be Romanized. And that’s good!
It makes inter-cultural communication a bitch, but it’s well worth it. People will have to study, translators will be hired, eyes will be pleased. That’s what the Japanese say when they’re asked why they don’t switch to the Latin charset: ‘Ours is so damn prettier!’

Granted, adding the special letters is cumbersome, at best. And sometimes, the wrong letters are added. Sometimes we’re just too lazy to switch between keyboard layouts. Sometimes, money gets printed with the wrong diacritics because of bad character support on Macs. Some bastards will write in English because they just feel like it.

Whatever our excuse is, it stands. But we’re still on a very slippery slope.

And yeah, Jeff Atwood’s twitter account is @codinghorror. A must-follow for any developer.

Posted on the 30th of September, 2009 | 6 Extraordinary Comments